Facebook Share

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

And you don't get what you need, either.

“Life is a constant struggle”, my grandfather told me when I was 8 years old. I have no idea what he meant exactly, but the phrase has been hanging over my head like the blade of a guillotine ever since. I am not allowed to forget its existence or it will fall on my neck. The problem is, I could never figure out what it was I was supposed to struggle for.

The Greek word he used, “αγώνας”, is also used for sports. Therefore, I assumed that life according to my grandfather was a football match, where you run up and down a field, chasing a ball and some people are on your team and others are against you and you could be running up and down the field all your life and never score a goal. Now, in my mid thirties, I am slowly coming to the terrifying realization that not only can this football match be completely pointless, but it can also turn out to be utterly and mercilessly boring.
I’m bored of seeing me running up and down a football field and I’m so very bored of being in the game. I don’t want my life to be a constant struggle. I want it to be a long walk across the world with the man I love. Or at the very least, a walk around the block with someone who can keep me stimulated.
“You can’t always get what you want” Mick said, but I wasn’t listening.


Monday, September 1, 2014

This is War (not that kind)

Like most of us, I'm sick and tired of thinking about it. The Crisis, I mean. Its effects are very much present still, in the workplace, at home, in the streets of Athens. But today I'd like to focus on another crisis that I am personally facing.

There is this bug that is quite common in Greece called βρομούσα (stink bug), which belongs to the not-so-charming family of pentatomoidea.This bug loves tomato plants. The thing is, I also love tomato plants and this year I planted two varieties from heirloom seeds, looked after them, watched them grow, had a gastrorgasm (sic) eating the first buffalo heart tomato of the season and was really looking forward to inviting my favourite people over for some nice caprese, upon returning from my summer holidays. Little did I know that while I was away, these bugs I used to feel sorry for for their horrible name -as you do for children named Εφραίμ or Χάιδω (check here for English equivalents)- had been greedily feeding on my gorgeous tomatoes.  

The Enemy (this is not my βρομούσα)

The Damage (these are not my tomatoes)

So, in the voice of that guy who does the movie trailers (in a land where only one guy -or maybe two- in Hollywood's history ever do voice overs), this is the post of (here your voice should go deeper) "one heroic woman's journey of self discovery and her relentless war against stink bugs... ".   

It is a battle that should have started months ago, thus the war is already lost. But knowledge will be gained and some bugs will die in the process, so I guess there is some fun to be had still. Oh boy, do I know how to have fun.

Sunday, December 15, 2013

fear of oblivion

"Beaten and Broken"

... to quote Dusk.

There is no excitement anymore. No spark. No hope that through the crisis we would be reborn as conscientious human beings.

We are withdrawing into ourselves, for many of us an unknown territory, and we try to focus on the challenges of each day, never, ever, making plans for the future.

We try to keep it simple. A trip to the super market. Paying a bill. Getting through another shitty day at work. We try not to look further than that. The only thing we allow ourselves to look forward to, is the weekend.

And then somebody close to you dies. Someone who was good, nurturing and honest, someone who contributed all her life to her students, her family, her friends. Who was making plans for the future, for when she would retire and then travel -mostly by train, she was afraid of flying- and spend time with her daughter, and do things for herself. Everything she had endured would have been worth it then. She died two days ago, barely 63 years old, after having spent the past two years in and out of hospitals, fighting cancer. And losing.

I mourn her loss. She meant a lot to me. I was lucky, because to me she was a teacher, family and friend. It's not easy to explain. She was like a second mother, the one who united us as a family. I don't know if I ever told her that she was the one who made me want to study film. She had taken me and my sister to see Nuovo Cinema Paradiso in 1989 and afterwards she commented that I was too young to understand the film. I felt offended, and stubborn as I am, I made sure I learnt more about film than anyone I know. To get her approval.

There is no hope for my generation. This is what will become of us, too. We will work hard all our lives, postponing life for later, for when we retire, when we'll have time to go to America, to visit our friends abroad, to see the world, only to realize that time has run out, that we managed to save no money at all and that we are not well, we have cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, whatever, and that this is it. All our life has already been lived and no dream left for the future will be fulfilled.
So fuck it. 

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Who let the dogs out?

Nothing is surprising, nothing is shocking. The situation is evolving as expected. 

A man my age got stabbed after being targeted and chased by members of the Golden Dawn. A woman, probably his girlfriend, was holding him as they waited for an ambulance. He didn’t make it, the man who stabbed him knew where to strike. It could have been my boyfriend, it could have been me watching him bleed to death. 

Still, nothing surprising, nothing shocking. 

Contrary to what many people would like to think, this wasn’t a random act of violence. The victim, who was a rapper, was quite vocal about his political affiliations. It wasn’t only a body that was slain, a voice was also silenced.

We all kind of waited for it to happen, now it has, now everyone is condemning the act, “Golden Dawn is a threat to our democratic system” and other such nauseating statements from different party leaders. Our politicians are a threat to our democratic system. Golden Dawn is a threat to our society, to our humanity, to you and to me. 

Now we don’t joke with my friends anymore, that we should keep our voices down, in case a neo-nazi prick hears us and rings his gang of thugs to come and beat us up. We still read all the articles that appear on our facebook page from all the news sites we’re subscribed to. We ‘like’ them, we ‘share’ them. But now when we speak, we keep our voices down. And every now and then, we do look over our shoulders. And I wish this was an exaggeration.

How can this situation be reversed without violence? Without retaliation? When we live in this splendid breeding ground for polarization and hate? When ignorance and basic instincts rule? When it is now socially acceptable to declare yourself a fascist? 

It can’t.